


Attack Of The Killer Bunnies

by tielan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Action/Adventure, Drama, Gen, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-29
Updated: 2009-12-29
Packaged: 2017-10-05 11:18:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tielan/pseuds/tielan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>New galaxy, new species, new trouble in Atlantis. It's another day in the Atlantis expedition.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Attack Of The Killer Bunnies

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published August 2008

They were cute animals, soft-furred, large eyed, with a cat’s pointed ears and a puff tail.

Of course, the reason for bringing them to Atlantis was not quite so cute.

“I figured they’d be a possible food source, ma’am,” said Captain Phil Eimel, USAF as the lieutenant turned the cage around so Elizabeth could see the four creatures quivering inside.

Living on rations was a new experience for most of the expedition members. Then again, everything on this expedition was turning out to be a new experience for the expedition members, from fiddling with a computer system that controlled a city, to working out ways to stop or disable an alien that wanted not blood but lifeforce.

On the whole, Elizabeth thought they were doing rather well.

“It’s a good thought,” she approved and saw the Captain’s expression ease. The man was young, but came highly commended. “Um,” she had to think a moment to work out would be the specialist that should be consulted. “Take them along to Dr. Sheng, thank you, Captain, then report to the infirmary for post-gate.”

The Captain saluted, the military members of his team following suit. Marlon Eadie - the scientist of the team - imitated them sloppily, grinning like a loon as he swung on his heel and followed his team-mates out of the room.

Elizabeth shook her head, smiling as she collected up her screenboard and went back to her office. The heavy mix of military and scientific personnel made the expedition busy, and they were still learning how to get along.

So far so good.

They weren’t in any danger of starving right now, but there was only so much food the expedition had been able to bring along. Soon, they’d need more.

Captain Eimel’s team had thought ahead. Elizabeth made a note by their personnel records for future reference. Foresight should be rewarded.

And so began the incident that Lieutenant Ford thereafter referred to as the attack of the killer bunnies.

\--

“They’re remarkably tame,” Dr. Liesel Sheng said, holding one of the creatures firmly on the examining table as Elizabeth and the Major watched. “We’ve done some basic study - dissected one of them. It does look like they’re the Pegasus equivalent of our bunny rabbit.”

Sheppard glanced at Elizabeth in triumph. Since their discovery, he’d persisted in calling the creatures ‘bunnies’ - mostly to spite Rodney who thought they were felines because of the ears.

Elizabeth shot him a brief half-smile. “Anything unusual about them?”

“Not really. Blood, brain, and internal organs don’t show any poisonous compounds, and while they’re fairly lean from all the hopping around, they’ve also got quite a good muscle-to-bone ratio. Oh, and the Athosians might like the fur for clothing and bedding.”

“So they’re edible?” Sheppard asked.

Dr. Sheng’s brow crinkled in a slight frown. “Didn’t I just say that?”

“Not in as many words.”

She shrugged. “Well, they appear to be edible.” A swift grin followed. “How they _taste_ is another matter. If nothing else, they can be used for stew. Oh, and we’ll have to study them in their habitat in the next couple of weeks though - don’t want to end up wrecking the equilibrium on that planet through bad management. I think we’ve learned enough lessons from Earth to know better than that.”

As she spoke, the doctor absently petted the ‘bunny’, stroking it from skull to hindquarters, and the creature closed its eyes in something akin to blissful pleasure.

\--

“They really are quite...endearing,” Rodney said a few days later as they stood at the viewing screen of the ‘bunny ground’ that had been set up in one of the rooms of the city.

Elizabeth bit back the urge to laugh. “Endearing?”

“Would you rather I used the word ‘cute’?”

He had a point.

Dr. Sheng went out to the planet with Captain Eimel’s team. They collected samples, tested the soil, the air, the water, the vegetation. They observed the patterns of behaviour among the bunnies and judged that they shouldn’t have too much trouble breeding them and eating them.

All was well on the way to bunny stew - once again, Lieutenant Ford’s description.

“Anyway,” Rodney remarked. “We’re probably going to have all kinds of trouble with them. Don’t say I didn’t tell you.”

This time, there was no stopping her smile. “Thank you for the comforting thoughts, Rodney.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

“We’re going to have trouble with them.”

Rodney McKay. Astrophysicist and professional doomsayer. Elizabeth guessed he was still grumpy over the ‘bunnies’ vs ‘felines’ question. And, possibly still missing that cat of his. It didn’t terribly surprise her that he’d had a cat back on Earth. Rodney McKay embodied the concept of cat-ness: solitary, aloof, happy to be worshipped, adored, and admired, but secretly wanting someone to scratch him behind the ears or about the neck - metaphorically in Rodney’s case, but the comparison still stood.

Maybe she should get him one of them as a pet?

“Well, you can remind me that you said that if they ever end up running riot through the city,” Elizabeth said cheerfully. The bunnies quite effectively eased one aspect of the Atlantis expedition’s supply problem, although they’d be needing vegetable and grain crops sometime in the future. Meat was all very well, but man couldn’t live on meat alone.

Rodney regarded her. “Believe me, Elizabeth, you’ll hear about it.”

\--

Generally, the consensus was that the bunnies were delicious. Even Rodney, with his exacting dietary requirements, had no reasons to complain of the meals cooked up by the mess hall sergeants once every couple of days using the rabbit-like creatures.

It became something of a competition between the two cooks to see who could come up with the most unusual dishes. As long as they didn’t poison the city in the meantime, Elizabeth didn’t have any problems with the competition.

And, just in case, they’d scheduled the mealtimes so no more than a quarter of the base was eating the one meal at any given time.

There were no problems with the creatures as food.

Nor were there any problems with keeping them. At least, not at first.

Then, about two months after they first began eating the creatures, one of the military personnel assigned to ‘bunnywatch’ (another Ford-ism) came to see Elizabeth looking more than a little worried.

Elizabeth was more than a little worried herself. The food situation in Atlantis wasn’t desperate, but it wouldn’t take much to make it so. Their attempt at interstellar relations with the Gennii had been a miserable failure, and she was wondering if it wouldn’t be better to send someone other than John Sheppard on these missions. At least this civilisation wasn’t as advanced as the Wraith, although it was only perhaps fifty years behind Earth. They could deal with that.

At least, she was hoping they could.

“Dr. Weir?”

“Corporal Steiner?”

“Ma’am...we have a problem.”

She managed something that probably resembled a smile. “We always have a problem around here, Corporal, one way or the other.”

“Yes, ma’am. But this problem is to do with the bunnies. We think...we think some of them have been having babies.”

Which was what the creatures did. They bred like the rabbits they resembled. “And?”

“Well, we think that some may have escaped into the city.”

She could hear Rodney’s voice in her head. _Oh, this is bad. This is very bad._ “How many is ‘some’, Corporal?”

The young man hesitated. “That’s it, ma’am. We don’t really know. And we’re not sure how long they’ve been escaping their pen, either. We’ve patched the hole through which the babies were escaping, but there’s no way of telling how long they’ve been on the loose.”

Even better.

Elizabeth silently wished the command of this expedition on someone else. “Do we have any way of tracking them?”

It was obvious that they didn’t. Corporal Steiner looked as though he’d rather be anywhere but here. “No, ma’am. We didn’t have any way of tracking them, and since they were going to be eaten, it didn’t seem as though there was much point in--”

She waved away the explanation. “Have you tried using the city scanner specifying the rabbit life forms?”

“Not yet, ma’am.”

\--

Rodney came up beside her while one of the junior techs was trying to configure the computers to track the little creatures through the network. “So,” he said genially, “I hear we’ve lost track of our pets.”

“Rodney.”

“I guess that now isn’t the time to say, ‘I told you so’.”

“Rodney.”

“But I did say--”

“_Rodney_.”

He was getting irritated looks from some of the control room staff. If he kept going, in a minute, he’d be getting irritated looks from Elizabeth.

“You know,” he said, _sotto voce_, “I really love being right about these things. Of course, I’m right about everything.”

That was going a _bit_ far. “Rodney.”

“Well, most things.” He rocked back on his heels. “Any luck configuring the computers?”

The tech looked up from the console. “I’ve entered in the parameters of the creature, but we’re not getting anything.”

“That’s no surprise.” McKay waited until he had all eyes on him before he answered his own question. “The city computers can’t identify objects small than half human size. Would you like to know why?”

They waited, although a number of personnel glanced at each other with exasperation.

“It’s because the city doesn’t have enough power to do so. Which is why you’re not getting anything. The automatic functions run subroutines for cleaning up the city, but the city computer as a whole isn’t capable of identifying the creatures.”

“So...how do we track them?” Corporal Steiner asked, obviously bewildered.

“The usual way.”

There was a pause. “Which is...?”

Elizabeth didn’t see who asked the question, but McKay looked surprised. “However you people tracked stuff before we came here.”

The silence this time went on for nearly thirty seconds. Then, “Great,” said the Corporal in exasperated tones. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Rodney said, without a trace of sarcasm, either missing the frustration directed at him, or ignoring it.

Elizabeth hid a smile.

\--

From then on, it seemed that the bunnies were everywhere.

They began turning up in personnel quarters, in the rec rooms, in the labs. Their small forms could be spotted making a squeezy escape behind equipment, or into the spaces between columns and walls. They turned up in the kitchens, in the armoury, in the control room.

There were hundreds of them.

One of the advantages of using the bunnies as food - at least, from Dr. Sheng’s point of view - was that their growing cycle was measured in months, not years. Dr. Sheng believed it to be an evolutionary safeguard related to their ‘fragile’ genetic structure: defects were bred out of the gene pool in a very short period of time.

Elizabeth figured fate was having a good laugh at their expense.

Not that the feeling was new.

Of course, the crunch came when the bunnies chewed through the wiring of the control room computers. Not the city mainframes, of course, but the equipment they’d brought to Earth and hooked up to Atlantis.

When half the control room computers suddenly died one afternoon as they ran statistics on their use of the Stargate, Elizabeth had the bad feeling about this.

The techs prised out several panels along the walls, releasing a stench of charred meat and an odour of burned dung that made the eyes water.

Zelenka grimaced as he held up a bundle of blackened, singed fur. “Anyone one for Kentucky Fried?”

“Atlantis fried, rather,” muttered one of the techs. “I’ll get a fan. Ma’am?”

“Do it.” Elizabeth wanted to sigh. As if things weren’t bad enough. Rodney had come to her earlier that day with a weather report and there was definitely something brewing there. “Dr. Zelenka, how bad is the damage?”

The scruffy-haired scientist shook his head as someone found a trash receptacle in which to put the grisly bundle of dead bunny. “This one bit through the cables, but we do not know for sure how many other lines have already been damaged...” He made to scratch his head, then paused and wiped his sooty hand on his trouser leg. “Does Dr. Sheng have suggestions about how to deal with the...uh...plague of bunnies?”

Dr. Sheng’s blunt suggestion had been fumigation of the city. “If they’re in the wall cavities, then we’re not going to catch them all - certainly not before they spawn further.”

Elizabeth didn’t like that idea very much. It would mean evacuating Atlantis while the fumigation was taking place, leaving behind a handful of people with gas masks.

That was assuming that someone could even rig up some kind of pesticide that would kill the creatures.

“They don’t show up on the city radars,” she said, thinking out loud. “Not even as generic objects?”

“I’m afraid not, Dr. Weir,” said Peter, after a few seconds spent working over the city computer. “As Rodney said, the city simply doesn’t have enough power to identify things that small.”

“And the spaces between the rooms?” Elizabeth asked. “Do the computer’s city cleaning subroutines include the cavities in the walls?”

“I don’t think so,” said Peter, checking his computer. A moment later, he shook his head. “No.”

She took a deep breath. “Get me Sergeant Bates and the security team.”

\--

The problem was outlined to the city’s security forces amidst disbelieving looks and more than a few sniggers.

“With all due respect, Dr. Weir, you’re telling us that we’re under siege from a bunch of rabbits?” Sergeant Bates asked.

“Yes, Sergeant. That’s what I’m saying.”

“And you’re asking us to do an Elmer Fudd and kill the wabbits?” Lieutenant Ford said, unsuccesfully trying to hold back a smile.

Bates shot him a droll look, but Elizabeth kept herself from a grin with effort. “I’d like you to start with a sweep through the rooms on the level where the rabbits were kept. Take a couple of technical personnel with you and check the wall spaces as well. While Major Sheppard is away on the mainland...”

“Playing chauffeur to Teyla.”

Elizabeth continued as though nothing had been said. “...you’re in charge of this detail, Sergeant.”

The security team began going through the city, room by room. When Elizabeth tuned in to their channel, she caught the comments and jokes being traded between the enlisted troops and the scientists.

“_Kill da wabbit! Kill da wabbit!_”

In the background, people were laughing. Someone was singing the Barber of Seville. Elizabeth was no opera buff, but the singer had a reasonable voice.

“Hey, Michaels, ever thought of joining the Von Trapp family of Atlantis?”

“There’s a Von Trapp family of Atlantis?”

“Ever heard Jeanne Solis singing in the shower?”

“No, but I’ve heard McKay.”

“Hey, Carl, what were you doing in the women’s showers, anyway?”

“I don’t want to know, private, and neither does anyone else here. Kensington, what _are_ you singing?”

“South Sydney Rugby League club anthem, sir.” Kensington was one of a handful of Australian personnel on the expedition, with a fondness for what Ford called ‘obscure sports’ - by which Elizabeth gathered the Lieutenant meant ‘not big in America’.

“South Sydney Rugby League club?”

“Known colloquially as the Rabbit-Ohs, sir.”

“Oh, God.”

That about summed it up.

\--

“Has anyone seen McKay?”

Elizabeth shot John a quelling look. The man might be out of sorts after the trip to the mainland - and she was going to ask Teyla what that was about later - but there was no reason to take his irritation out on Rodney.

Not that she wasn’t feeling a little irritated with Rodney herself. He was late for their weekly leaders’meeting, and right now, the ‘bunny problem’ was a priority. Forget the Wraith; if they didn’t get the creatures under control, they’d be overrun in a couple of weeks. They were still having periodic trouble with the computers, and Dr. Sheng was trying to find a way to drug them without injuring the personnel in the city.

Elizabeth tapped her earpiece. “Rodney?”

Nothing.

“Rodney?”

She caught John’s gaze, and the next minute, they were on their feet and headed for the labs, leaving a trail of surprised and alarmed personnel in their wake.

Later, Elizabeth couldn’t have said what she thought might have happened to Rodney, only that the usually-garrulous scientist wasn’t responding to his comm and even while concentrating on his work, he didn’t get so involved that he wouldn’t answer a call.

Rodney wasn’t in his lab. In fact, he wasn’t to be found anywhere in the research and experimental labs of the city.

“No,” said one of his assistants, nervously, her eyes huge behind the oversized glasses she wore. “I haven’t seen him for some hours now. He was up much of the night, studying weather patterns with Dr. Zelenka.”

_Weather patterns?_ Elizabeth frowned slightly. That was unlike Rodney. “Maybe in his quarters?”

They overrode the lock codes to his quarters and the doors slid back.

Her first thought was, _Where did Rodney find the fur rug?_ Her second thought was, _There must be hundreds of them._

Rodney was curled up on his bed, fully clothed, snoring soundly. Around him lay the furry bodies - over a dozen and more, sprawled across and over his sheets. And even though Elizabeth would hesitate to use the word anywhere near Rodney McKay, she thought the whole scene looked incredibly adorable.

“I’m suddenly feeling the need for a camera,” said John, _sotto voce_. “I can’t be the only one.”

She nodded, but added, “I’d prefer a bunch of nets so we can catch them all.”

“Yeah. How’d they get in?”

The next moment, the question was not how they’d get in, but how they were getting out.

A shocked yelp escaped her as the bunnies poured out of the room, a wave of fur and paws that scampered past her ankles, seeking any escape. She spotted a few that ducked beneath Rodney’s bed and didn’t appear, but then her attention was snagged by Rodney himself.

One groggy eye opened and regarded the scene around him. The next moment, he was sitting bolt upright, disturbing the creatures, right, left, and centre. “What--?”

“Easy, McKay.” Elizabeth heard John’s words even as she called for reinforcements from the ‘wabbit hunters’ roaming through the city.

“We’re on our way, ma’am,” said Sergeant Bates.

“Well, what are you standing there for?” Rodney demanded. “Shoot them!”

John pulled out his handgun - with more than a little reluctance. “Look, I don’t know... I think it would be better if we got them trapped somewhere and returned them to the pens...”

“Sheppard, this is no time to suddenly develop SPCA leanings! They’re all going to be eaten anyway - just shoot them!”

“And you’re in no danger of being eaten alive,” Elizabeth told him. “Just sit tight and we’ll...”

“What? Get Elmer Fudd over here? Will there even be any of them left when Bates arrives?” Rodney began feeling himself over - checking that everything was still there and not nibbled off, Elizabeth imagined. She hid a grin.

Beside her, John made a noise like a huff and kicked a bunny across the room. It made a rather painful-sounding _thud_ and slid down the wall.

Rodney’s face darkened. “Okay, that’s not good,” he said. “I said kill them, not bash their heads against the wall!”

“Well, did you have any better ideas, McKay?”

“I was going to suggest you try to throw a sheet over them and scoop them up that way...” In concert with his words, Rodney hauled up his blanket - the creatures who’d snuggled up to him were long scattered to the floor - and tossed it over a clump of bunnies, then gingerly hopped to the ground and began trying to scoop up the blanket.

Bunnies squeezed out from beneath the cloth and Rodney’s attempt to collect them. They ran every which way out of the room. Elizabeth covered her mouth, hiding her smile.

“You know, you could be more helpful about this!” Now he had a distinct scowl across his face, mitigated by the scruffiness of his hair, sticking out every which way on his head. “Look! Now they’ve... Drat!”

Drat, indeed.

A minute later, when Sergeant Bates and his team arrived, the three of them had no more than eight bunnies to show from the however many had been originally gathered in the room.

\--

“There must be something that caused them to be attracted to Rodney,” Carson pondered from across the briefing room table.

“Other than his undeniable charm?” John asked.

Elizabeth wasn’t the only one shooting him an annoyed look for his sarcasm. Rodney scowled at him. “You know, just because they happen to like _me_...”

“McKay, being liked by rabbits is _not_ something you want to put on your resume.”

That sent Rodney into a sulk, and Elizabeth hastened to smooth over the situation. “Okay, so was there anything particularly different about your room compared to others, Rodney? Was anything out of place? Anything new?”

Rodney scowled briefly at John. “Nothing.”

“Did you look?”

“Well, of course I looked!”

“Then did you _notice_ anything?”

“I was too tired to see,” snapped Rodney. “You’d be tired, too, if you’d been up all night!”

“Which is why I make sure I get to bed at a reasonable hour!”

There were days when Elizabeth wondered if she had sinned against the powers that be in some way that her penance was to ensure that Rodney McKay and John Sheppard didn’t kill each other in the course of their jobs on this expedition.

“Gentlemen!” Beyond the two men, Carson regarded her with undisguised relief. “Would it help if we got the keepers of these creatures to look through your room - possibly determine what they found so...so...”

“Soporific?” Carson suggested.

“_Soporific_?” John asked, eyebrows high.

“It’s in a Beatrix Potter book about rabbits,” the doctor said.

“Beatrix Potter?” Rodney questioned. “_Children’s_ books?”

“You never read them as a child?”

“Of course not!”

“No wonder you turned out the way you have.”

Carson sat back in his chair while Rodney spluttered. “There’s nothing wrong with--”

Elizabeth changed her mind. It wasn’t Rodney and John, it was everyone who had to deal with Rodney McKay. He brought out the worst in people.

“Back to the point, I think,” she said, trying to get everything back under control again. “Rodney, if you would take Dr. Sheng and several of her colleagues to check out your quarters, we might be able to determine what caused the creatures to congregate there.”

“Other than McKay’s charming personality.”

“You know,” Dr. Sheng said, thoughtfully, “we never tested their olfactory senses. Not in any detail. It might be that they were attracted to Dr. McKay’s...uh...pheromones.”

Someone stifled a guffaw, while John sputtered. “Pheromones?”

A glance at Carson showed the doctor trying to fight back a huge grin. Elizabeth coughed and covered her mouth. “Run some tests, Dr. Sheng. Please.”

“Wait,” Rodney protested, “You’re not actually going to have them run some tests on _me_?”

“Well, McKay,” Sheppard said in pointed tones, “we have a crisis on our hands here. Are you willing to make some sacrifices or not?”

\--

“Lavender?” Elizabeth sat back in her chair, astonished. “That’s all?”

“Apparently,” said Dr. Zelenka. “I do not know the details of it, but I was coming here when Dr. Sheng asked me to inform you of the discovery.” The slightly dishevelled scientist shrugged, although a smirk appeared on his features. “She said something about a new washing detergent and lavender scent on the sheets.”

Judging by Zelenka’s expression, Rodney wouldn’t live it down in a hurry. “And this information is being used?”

“Sergeant Bates and his team are trying to create a trap into which the creatures can be guided.” The scientist sniffed. “That is what I was told to tell you.”

Namely, don’t ask questions of him, because he was just the messenger. “Let’s hope they work something out fairly soon, then,” she said, relieved. “Peter tells me that they’re still chewing through the cabling in the control room...”

“Yes. And the sooner we are rid of these pests, the better! They are interrupting our research. All this fuss, over rabbits!” He collected up his computer tablet with something like annoyance, and walked out, leaving her smiling, not only at his vehemence, but at the short-legged stalk he displayed from her office out to the control room.

Her grin faded as she turned her attention to other reports from the various sections around the city. The regular running of the city had been disrupted by the breakout of the rabbit-like creatures, and Elizabeth was now a little behind on the city reports.

She was typing in notes regarding the food situation when there was a shout from the control room.

As she rose to her feet, she felt something jolt through her fingertips and gasped at the sensation, looking down at her hands. Her fingers twitched slightly and she clenched them.

“Dr. Weir!” Zelenka was at the door, his wiry frame quivering with concern. “Are you okay?”

“I...” Elizabeth blinked. “I think I just got an electric shock.” She glanced at her screen, which had gone dead. “One of the creatures must have bitten through the wiring...”

The next thing she knew, Zelenka and Grodin were prompting her towards the infirmary over her protests that she was fine.

“If you’ve had an electric shock then you should be checked over by a medical doctor,” Peter insisted.

“And if you don’t, then we will tell Carson what has happened anyway,” Zelenka added, waving a finger in the air.

Between the two of them, and with the slightly guilty knowledge that she really should be checked over by the doctor, Elizabeth allowed herself to be prodded into going to the infirmary where Carson checked her over, eyed her cautiously, then said she was probably okay, but she was to stay in the infirmary overnight.

“I’d rather not see you keel over dead for want of anyone looking out for you. I know you think you’ll be fine but I’ll feel a lot better if you’re under our care.”

Elizabeth knew better than to protest. Still, she made sure that she’d collected some more comfortable clothing before she arrived at the infirmary that evening.

Sergeant Bates had laid out his plan for capturing the remaining bunnies that afternoon, and with a few judicious modifications from Dr. Sheng’s team, they had what looked like a viable trap. Now the only difficulty was to get it set up.

She’d just changed into her sleeping gear when she heard the humming start.

It was nothing more than the faintest hint of song, barely audible over the whine and beep of the infirmary machines. A tune that had elements of familiarity sung by someone who was happy and contented and not really thinking about the fact that he was humming.

Careful not to disturb the singer, Elizabeth moved silently and stealthily out of her infirmary cubicle. She made her way over to the doorway leading to the adjoining room and peered in.

She stared.

At his desk, Carson was working at something involving charts and samples, and humming to himself as he typed in the results of whatever testing he’d been doing. He didn’t notice her arrival, and he certainly didn’t notice the rest of his audience, comprising of two stunned medical technicians, and about forty of the bunny-like creatures, sitting on the floor behind him and watching him with decided interest.

Even as she watched, another one crept out from behind some machinery, its pointed ears turning towards the doctor, as though angling for better acoustics.

Belatedly, Elizabeth realised he was singing ‘The Bluebells of Scotland’, in tune, and quite melodiously. Across the room, one of the technicians opened her mouth to exclaim something, but stopped when Elizabeth shook her head.

Unfortunately, the movement caught Carson’s eye, and he turned on his stool. “Dr. Weir? What’s wr--?”

He didn’t finish his query. At the first word, the bunnies scrambled for the exits, producing the same crazy melee seen in Rodney’s quarters. Twenty seconds later the room was empty of all but the humans.

\--

“It was just a song!” Carson was protesting.

“Well, sing it again and see if they come!” Rodney said, impatiently.

“You just don’t want to be the-- What did Lieutenant Ford call it? The ‘snugglebunny’?”

Most of the personnel in the room choked or grinned. Rodney flushed in disbelief. “_Snugglebunny?_”

Elizabeth resolved to ask Lieutenant Ford to go easy on naming everything. The young man had quite a sense of humour, but the application of it wasn’t always appropriate. “I think we should use every option we have to capture all the creatures running loose in the city.”

“All it would take is two left loose and we’d be back at square one,” Dr. Sheng said, folding her hands on the table. “McKay’s presence is just in case the scent of lavender isn’t enough. If Dr. Beckett wouldn’t mind playing ‘pied piper’ for us...”

“And if I do?”

“Carson,” Elizabeth beseeched.

He complied, but grudgingly. “All right,” he said. “But I don’t want any jokes. Especially from Lieutenant Ford!”

Sheppard leaned back in his chair, every line of his expression screaming amusement. “So, McKay and the lavender in one room, and Beckett whistling his way through the city to draw in the masses?”

“I still don’t see why I have to--”

“It’s just because we enjoy making fun of you, Rodney,” John said in conversational tones. “And we want to get this bunny problem cleared up.”

“Which I want as much as anyone. However, Dr. Sheng said that the lavender would be enough--”

“I said that the lavender _should_ be enough.” The petite woman tilted her head. “While they respond favourably to the herbal scent, it’s possible that your...ahem...bodily odours may provide an extra olfactory incentive.”

Elizabeth bit her lip very carefully. It wouldn’t do to laugh. Much as she would have liked to.

She settled for a smile. “Once the creatures are captured, you can get back to your research, Rodney.”

That moved him, although he insisted on being allowed to take his laptop into the ‘trap room’. He claimed he would get bored too easily. Of course, within ten minutes of lying down on the bed, the monitors in the room showed Rodney McKay fast asleep.

“Snoring like a baby,” John pronounced, grinning.

“You shouldn’t tease him,” Elizabeth remarked as she drew level with him at the console. She privately told herself that she wouldn’t tease Rodney but she _would_ remember the moment and bring it out for later private amusement.

“All’s fair in war and McKay,” he returned, still grinning. “Besides, we’ll always have the video.”

\--

The video did make quite a sight with Rodney curled up on the sheets, once again surrounded by the snoring bunnies. Equally obvious was Carson’s struggles not to turn around at every intersection, although he could plainly hear the patter of bunny feet behind him.

Elizabeth met him at a corner with a drink ‘to wet his whistle’ as one of the mess hall personnel said. She ignored the fact that the beverage was slightly alcoholic - a matter that she should have protested - and eyed him as he drew alongside her.

“Should you be here?” Carson asked, evidently surprised at her presence.

In answer she held out the mug. “You’re doing fine.”

He took a long swig, spluttering only a little. “I feel like a right and proper fool,” he admitted. “I didn’t sign on to yodel my way through the city.” Then he glanced at her, his face rueful. “Then again, I suppose that none of us signed up for anything like this expedition has turned out.”

“But we’re doing very well all the same.”

“_You’re_ doing very well all the same,” said he, regarding her with earnest admiration. Then, as though a little embarrassed by his enthusiasm, he handed back the mug, and met her eyes for a moment before his gaze slid away. “I should keep going. Tell Rodney I’ll be at the room in about fifteen minutes.”

“Actually, you’ll have to be reasonably quiet going into that corridor,” she informed him. “He’s asleep.”

Embarrassment was replaced by exasperation. “Why am I not surprised?” He shook his head. “I’d better go.” And he took a deep breath and kept walking, humming to himself and the plague of rabbitlike creatures that followed after him.

The room in which Rodney was snoring had been set up with trapdoors over all the entrances and exits they could find in the panelling. Carson’s ‘pied piper’ act was to pick up the leftover creatures.

It wasn’t foolproof - or, as one of the Australians commented, ‘rabbit-proof’ - but it was their best shot.

And it seemed to work. Mostly. They netted nearly one hundred and fifty of the creatures in the initial attempt, and over the next few days collected a further thirty in traps.

Elizabeth looked at the report on her tablet’s screen, then around the briefing room table. “Dr. Sheng, you believe that we’ve gotten them all?”

“I’d leave the cage trap out a little longer,” the animal expert said, hedging her bets. “Just to be sure that we don’t end up with a repeat of the problem.”

“The room’s not being used for anything at the moment,” Grodin offered. “Mostly storage, in fact.”

“Then we’ll leave it there.” She looked around the room. “Is there anything more?” Nobody vouched anything. “Then, let me know if there are any more problems with the creatures, and well done to everyone!”

People began to leave swiftly enough. Catching the creatures had been the number one priority for several days now and those involved were glad to go back to their usual pursuits within the city.

In truth, Elizabeth was relieved that it was all over.

So, it seemed, were others.

“You know, you could make quite a name for  yourself, Beckett. ‘The Tartan Piper Of Atlantis.’”

Carson regarded Rodney sourly. “Let me guess. Lieutenant Ford, again?”

“He has a way of naming things. I just appropriated it.”

“Well, at least I’m not ‘The Sleeping Beauty!’”

“‘The Sleeping...’ What? Who said that?”

“Who do you think, Rodney?”

“When I get my hands on Ford...”

Their voices vanished down the stairs, and Elizabeth shook her head as she gathered up her computer tablet and headed back to her office, now thankfully free of rabbits.

All creatures great and small, indeed!

  
They fought the dogs and killed the cats  
And bit the babies in their cradles  
and ate the cheeses out of the vats  
and licked the soup from the cooks own ladles,  
split open the kegs of salted sprats,  
made nests inside men’s Sunday hats,  
and even spoiled the women’s chats  
by drowning their speaking  
with shrieking and squeaking  
in fifty different sharps and flats.

\- **fin** -


End file.
